i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
