It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
