I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
