If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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