Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
