I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
