mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
