Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
