If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize