I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
