there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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