D3 body, D1 cock
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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