Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
