I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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