Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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