The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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