I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
