There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
