I've blown a few things in my day
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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