when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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