If i come over, it means nothing
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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