WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
