The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
