And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We have started to decorate penises.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize