I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
