I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
