Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
