You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
