coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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