That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This gyro tastes like lonliness
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
