i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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