My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize