Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
