I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
