does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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