Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
