and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize