someone threw a dead crab at me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
