at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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