I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
