please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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