He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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