I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
