i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
