I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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