I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
