So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
