I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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