Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize