Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
