Pappa wants mamma naked
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
