I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
