Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I need moral support for this bender
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
