My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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