look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
