I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
