If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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