if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
