bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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