I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
should my penis look like a turkey
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
