im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
