I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
