i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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