Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This house was built for laser tag.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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