doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
