Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
FUCK WHALES
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
