Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
