Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
