I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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