i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
