that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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