I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
